you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
