the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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