Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
