Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize