I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
