he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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