I wish my penis had an off switch
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize