I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
