What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
