there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
