Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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