I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
FUCK WHALES
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