it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
