I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize