Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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