You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
