I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
