Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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