I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
