i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
