remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
