Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
