There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
