and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We don't watch enough power rangers
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
