I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
