someone get that fucking seahorse.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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