MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
