theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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