i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
