I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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