i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
