can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
