we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
