Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize