I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize