I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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