I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize