The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
