A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
