he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
