Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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