When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
