You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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