You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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