Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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