i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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