he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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