Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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