So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize