you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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