At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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