Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This house was built for laser tag.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
