belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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