nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
