And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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