Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
