dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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