I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
