My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
