U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
