I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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