dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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