I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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