i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
