Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When are your genitals available?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
