he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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