pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
