it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize