i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize