i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
