Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
