I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
