I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize