Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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