if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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