Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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