we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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