Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
