I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Randomize
