I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We're too hungover to prance.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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