that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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