I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
