I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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