OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
