At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
