I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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