wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
