just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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