it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize