I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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