had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
