Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
