You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
