This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
