I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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