we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
