On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
