Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
