ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
