dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
