If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
