At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
