Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
