U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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