I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
