theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
