it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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