Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
