she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
