you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
