i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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