Your mouth is God's brothel.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize