I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's blow job season.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
