i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
