I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
