it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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