and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They took my balls.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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