just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
