no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
