I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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