He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
